Works of the flesh series: Strife

Updated: Dec 1, 2020


"Happy are those who work for peace; God will call them His children."
- Matthew 5:9

We are called to be peacemakers and being in conflict with others, or strife, doesn’t really help in that department.

There are some people out there that love arguing and others that love debating but even they can admit that it gets tiring when all goes out of hand or too heated.

I don’t really like arguing with people, even when social media makes it so easy to call out on someone’s idiocy or nonsensical commentary.

Conflict can start from something like noticing something new on someone’s body to “debating” political issues. Conflict can of a drop a storm.

People often tend to disregard respect when arguments escalate and when they feel attacked or in the mood (Don’t really know) the insults might show up and people really end up hurt.

I've done that. . .

I've gotten to a point that I would be arguing with someone so passionately that a dark moment would arrive when I would just let my tongue loose. I would hurt people and in some twisted and shameful way, that would make me feel like I had won the argument.

Besides being the bad guy, I had also been the hurt one. I have had people argue with me and just out of thin air, they would start insulting me, referencing to past events that had absolutely nothing to do with the discussing in hand.

Now, when I talk with people, I really thrive to actively listen to them (other times I would only listen so that I could retaliate: passive listening) and try to talk things out smoothly and kindly because I know - boy, I know - just how harsh words, insults and petty arguments can ruin relationships, steer up hatred and just give birth to horrible outcomes.

Even when people are full-on having a word-fest in front of me, I tend to come up with ways of politely telling them to call it quits. Even if my own parents are arguing, sometimes for reasons unknown, I really ache to just stop it.


First and foremost, if we take the parents arguing scene, I don't find it healthy for parents to be arguing in front of their children, even if they are teens and old enough to hear some of the 'wonderful' stuff they have to say.

Secondly, instead of arguing, there's this thing people call 'talking things out' and the funny part is that it doesn't involve shouting at each other's faces.

And I know. . . I know that it can be hard to keep your cool when you are trying to talk things out and people won't consider your perspective, straight out validating theirs but not yours, and even though (sometimes) it sparks the urge to harshly call them out, I suggest you just bounce out of that conversation.

Yeah, just take a three-sixty and walk away.

It's better to walk away from something that doesn't look like it will lead to great things than to stay and worsen the situation.

I know it might seem rude to collect yourself and walk away from an argument but, you might need to, to avoid a whole calamity.

If you need words to justify your actions, here are some for you:

"I'm walking away because I don't see reason in keeping this up,"

"I'm going for a short walk to clear some things up,"

"Forgive me but, I don't feel like arguing with you right now,"

"I'm sorry but, I'm too agitated to keep this up. Let's come back to it later,"

Just walk away, go gather your thoughts and do mind theirs, BEFORE you return for round two of the argument. I bet this will help you keep things calmer or at least help you to kindly verbalise your thoughts without activating your beast-mode.

Be a peacemaker.

How to watch out for it?

Here are a few tips, some that I have been embracing, to keep me away from all types of strife:

  • Don't get into fights for no reasons. Or better yet: Don't fight anyone!

  • Exercise self-control to avoid exploding on others.

  • Talk things out to clear any misunderstanding, past grudges, bad blood and so forth.

  • PRAY! The whole self-control thing does not really come easy, at least not the first time, and we need to ask God to breathe that into our souls and mind. We also need to ask God to remove the pride of all of us because it is pride that sometimes keeps us arguing with people even though we have no valid reason to. Sometimes we just wanna be right when we aren't and we desperately need God to help us get rid of pride.

Additional content to help you out

  • Self-control and the power of Christ (Article) - I recommend you read this article by Desiring God regarding self-control and how through Christ's power we can learn to integrate it into our lives.

  • Join our insider's community and get to ask us anything:

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