When walking away feels wrong
Updated: Jul 13, 2021
"We are surrounded by a great cloud of people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up. We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way and the sin that so easily holds us back. Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But he accepted the shame as if it were nothing because of the joy that God put before him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God’s throne. Think about Jesus’ example. He held on while wicked people were doing evil things to him. So do not get tired and stop trying."
- Hebrews 12:1-3 NCV
Have you ever just told yourself that you would never do something again and that this time it was it, this time you would be walking away from it once and for all but, then you just felt rooted because something felt wrong?
Whether it is walking away from an addiction or a habit, something in your chest just felt colossally wrong and the more you told yourself to walk away from it, the more your subconscious encouraged you to give it one more chance.
It was as if you are divided.
One part of you wanted to just run away from all of that mambo-jambo but, the other just wanted to run towards it and jump into its hands as if there was nothing more comforting than it.
It was frustrating.
I have felt like that a lot of times and when something feels wrong, it feels wrong on both sides of my mind - if that even makes sense.
It goes a little like having your heart break for even trying to go back to your old habits and, at the same time, having your it shatter for saying goodbye to something that has been part of your life for quite a good amount of time.
Sometimes, I just want to punch one of them and it is mostly the part of me that wants to go back to old ways.
Though it might not feel great at the moment, walking away from toxic relationships with yourself, possessions, others and whatever else is good for your overall health.
We are called to walk away from our sins (Acts 3:19), to repent and walk to God and yet, sorrow comes with repentance quite a few times.
If you Google 'Repentance', this will pop out: the action of repenting; sincere regret or remorse.
Yet, if you dig a little further, even by just going to Wikipedia or a Christian website you trust who can explain to you what in means biblically, to repent is to decisively change your direction.
My chosen source to explain the meaning is Christianity.com:
"Repentance is a decisive change in direction. It’s a change of mind that leads to a change of thinking that leads to a change of attitude that leads to a change of feeling that leads to a change of values that leads to a change in the way you live."
"So really, repent is a perfect description of what happens when you come to Christ. You no longer reject Christ, but now you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God. You do a spiritual about-face, which in turn changes everything. And not only do you change your mind about Christ, but you change your mind about sin as well as you discover what it really means to honor God. You realize that it’s no longer about performance. It’s about a heart attitude that confesses Christ and seeks to honor Him in every aspect of life!"
So, God has been working His grace and amazingness in me by helping me to repent from my old ways, helping me change the way I see things, my sins and sin in general and, yet, my flesh still wants to fight this change - this journey filled with repentance.
It's something crazy, really.
I want to honour God with deeds, words and thoughts, and every day I have to literally fight myself, with the huge help of His power living in me, and continuously do so until the day God fully sanctifies me.
Every day, there are thoughts I have to wrestle with, ideas and fantasies I have to dismiss and old ways I have to dispose of.
And the world doesn't make this any easier.
It offers every opportunity our fleshes can seize to be sinful, in deed, word and thoughts, nd we have to actively be aware and willing to fight off any attempts to be conformed to the ways of this world.
I have been in such fights and God has seen me out of them, just as much as He can see you out of anything that seeks to steer you away from His presence.
More than bringing me out of the wrong paths, he has convicted me of being super wary of what I allow myself to consume and interact with, and though it hasn't been a painless pruning, it was surely worth it.
It still is! God is still pruning and disciplining me, like the caring Father that He is and oulling me away from films, books, music and otehr forms of entertainment and leisure that might corrupt me.
It happened with The Flash - it hurt so much because I am a DC fan.
It happened with My Hero Academia - the language was not favourable and it didn't register with the life I was now seeking to live.
It happened with a book I had read up to 60% of it - couldn't ignore the foul language and sexual tension anymore, no matter how subtle it tried to be.
And it happens a lot with lots of content from the entertainment industry.
Many films on Netflix aren't really the ideal ones to watch because of the content they promote and when I watch such content, I feel like I am supporting them and that's definitely not something I want to support.
I don't want to support fornication, foul language, violence - though my mind can be quite crazy sometimes - or any of the stuff I feel is just straight out against my beliefs and/or God's word.
When you are trying to watch, read or listen to content that will honour God, you are gifted with quite limited options in the industry giants of each category and I witnessed that with Netflix.
Even PG13 scares me off with the type of content it has.
At this rate, I will have barely anything to watch and not because the entertainment industry is lacking in movies and all of that. No, the movie industry has thousands of products to offer but, most are not for me.
And that frustrated me a lot.
It's frustrating and painful to drop a book or stop watching something in the middle of it because they started to show things that you didn't bid for and the crazy truth is that I am walking away from these things not out of fear of God but, out of love and respect for Him and yet, it still hurts.
Leaving the things that you are used to behind is not pretty, epsecially when you start feelings restless.
You start feeling uncomfortable, icky and irritable. You start thinking that you have to go back in order to stop this weird and consuming anxious feeling that you have.
You want to look back, even go back, and this has happened and still happens to me, sometimes.
I start questioning if those words are really profane, if those scenes are really that sensual that I can't really go back to watching such shows.
I start itching to turn around in the wrong direction just to see if it is really wrong at all and one of the ways that have helped me to talk myself out of it is to remember why I turned around in the first place.
Why did I stop watching certain shows? Why did I start avoiding certain words? Why did I start fighting certain thought and ideas? Why am I leaving my old ways behind?
Many, if not all, of the 'why's are answered by a 'Who' and that who is God.
I am walking away from such a way of living because then I was living for myself, living for my desires but, today, I want to live more and more for God, for His people, and though it is not easy, not a smooth transition or journey, it is one worth taking.
So, I urge us to pray to God to keep us on the right path, keep our eyes on the things above and for Him to expose all the dirt in our lives, all the sins that we need to repent to and show us the beauty of doing so.
For though it may feel wrong to walk away from your old ways, enjoying life with God makes it more than worth it.
So, let us continually walk away from everything that is wrong, from our sinful ways and poor lifestyle, and let us run towards God who gives us hope, infinite love and joy.
Let us not fix our minds on what we are walking away from but on Who we are walking to.