It is crushing, isn't it?
Seeing all those lovey-dovey couples walking around while holding hands, watching them get lost in each other's eyes and all the other romantic stuff that couples seem to do these days.
Yeah, being a single girl in a world where people seem to be finding their matches at the drop of the hat can become tiring but, it doesn't have to be.
Being single shouldn't have to be tiring and we shouldn't allow us to fall into the trap of believing that it is.
Being single is just as much of a gift as being married.
Each stage of your life comes with blessings and challenges, moments of sheer happiness and moments of sadness, but it doesn't shrink out the value of either.
It's beautiful to be married, I believe - I'm still single - and it's beautiful to be single - that I know for sure.
Just as there are many perks for being a married Christian woman, there are for being a single Christian woman and if you are tired, fed up even, with your season of singleness - tired of seeing everyone get their slice of romance while you are there in your season of "waiting", then it's probably because you are too busy focusing on what you see in other people's lives.
Maybe you are spending far too much desiring the relationships that you have witnessed in your surroundings, in the telly or anyone.
Or maybe you are believing that meeting and marrying a man will complete you when that's not the case.
Or maybe you are failing to see the bundle of beauty and unique opportunities that come in the season of singleness.
Whatever it is, if you are a Christian woman tired of being single, you probably need to:
Stop wanting what others have
If you are anything like me, even a tiny bit - a microscopic percentage - you have probably read two or three romance books, seen two or three romance movies and have probably felt driven to have a romantic life that would put those to shame or, at the very least, resemble it in its unique way.
If you are not, props for you, babe.
But to those who feel like they can identify themselves even a little bit with what I have said there, the ones that have dreamt of having a story-worthy kind of romance, have a fairytale kind of marriage or whatever, just like how it was shown to us on the telly, in the books and whatnot, then you need to take a step back and call it quits.
Wanting what others have - their Nicholas Sparks kind of romance and Disney-inspired love story - it's coveting.
I know it can be tempting to want a love story just as majestic and heartwarming as the one you have seen on television or even in your own community but, desiring the things of others, even their love stories and relationships, is coveting.
According to the Merriam Webster website, a covetous person is marked by an inordinate desire for wealth or possessions or for another's possessions.
Maybe the reason you feel so unsatisfied and fed up with your season of singleness is that you are desiring the relationships of others that there is just barely any room for you to be grateful for your singleness and of how it enables you to have more time to spend with God and grow a relationship with him.
And that's another major issue with coveting - is idolatrous.
One of the reasons we desire what others have with so much passion is because we believe that it will make us happy, that it will be the source of our joy/happiness and we begin to see those things as these magnificent things that we have to pursue in order to be happy when in reality, we have to seek God to be fully happy/joyous.
We begin to replace God as the source of our contentment, happiness, and start placing the things we so passionately desire, whether it is marriage, money, people, power or whatever else as the source of our happiness - as our gods which is just straight out evil.
We have got God, people.
There is no greater person to desire than God, no greater relationship to desire than one with God and when we begin to see the marriage of others, or just marriage in general, as the ultimate places to find happiness, we begin to drive our desires and pursing from the One we should be focusing on.
So, we should stop.
Yes, those lovey-dovey relationships look astonishing but, we should not desire the things of others or nor let our intense desires from certain things get in the way of us seeing just how beautiful our season of singleness if or get in the way of us just seeing just how beautiful, more majestic and joyful our relationship with God is.
And we should kill these distorted desires for other's relationships with thanksgiving (Colossians 3:5).
The best way, I think, to stop desiring the things if others, is to remember God and be super thankful for what He has given you in this life, for who He is in your life and for the amazing relationship you have with Him.
Thank Him, right now, for what He has done, is doing and will do in your life, even this season of singleness.
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV
Be happy with what you have and where you are and don't forget to never stop praying or being thankful in all circumstances.
Know that marriage doesn't complete you
For a long time, I thought that once I got into a relationship and had someone to walk this life with me, I would be more complete.
I thought that being in a romantic relationship would make me complete when, in reality, things just don't work like that.
No, that's not it.
I believe that if I am not feeling complete and satisfied with who I am in this season of singleness, it's not because I am missing a man in my life or anything like that but, most likely, because I am lacking a connection with God, I'm lacking intimacy with God.
After all, only God can fully complete and satisfy every single one of us, and when we start to look for other sources of completion, identity, worth and satisfaction either than God, things don't work out.
God is the one who completes people (Colossians 2:10), not us. God is the only one who can fully satisfy us, not anyone else.
So, wanting a relationship for the sake of feeling more complete in the said relationship is really a risky and futile thing to do, in my perspective, seeing that God is the only one who can truly complete and satisfy us, for there is no greater treasure and most satisfying being than Him.
Instead of dreading the moment we are going to get married or mumbling and complaining that we have been single for far too long, we should stop and take a step back to appreciate and embrace the beautiful fact that God completes us.
That God is more than enough in our lives, whether we are single or not, and that in Him, we will lack nothing (Psalm 34:9).
There are purpose and beauty in being single
Maybe the reason why you are so eager to jump into a relationship is that you are failing to see the folds of beauty that lace the season of singleness and failing to see that there is purpose in every season of your life.
For instance, as a single woman, you have relatively more time and freedom to strengthen your relationship with God, to serve His Kingdom and pretty much get to explore more of life than a married woman.
Though a married Christian woman also seeks to strengthen her relationship with God, she is not free to focus solely on Him, for now, she has been made one with her husband and she needs to also cater for her husband and, possibly, her children.
The married woman has more responsibilities in her hands than the single woman tends to have and though both get to know more of God and get closer to Him, the single woman has more time and freedom to do so than the married one.
And, it's beautiful to witness God transforming you into the person He created you to be.
Perhaps the purpose of this season for you si to get closer to God because you might not have a lot of time when/if you get married.
Maybe you had been in a relationship before and left that one with a few scars and now this is the season for God to heal you. show you your worth and help you become more like Him, more like the woman He designed you to be.
Or maybe you are dealing with a few insecurities that can be completely detrimental in any relationship and this is the season where God will help you remember your identity in Him, help you remember that you are made complete in Christ and help you walk away from the lies stitched in your heart.
It was something similar to me; I had gotten myself in a relationship that left me feeling shameful and disgusted with myself and had made me feel like I had messed up things with God and there was no way of coming back but, thankfully, God didn't allow me to stick with those destructive thoughts.
No, God took me in His hands, revealed to me the lies that I was believing and began to unveil my face, showing me my weaknesses, showing me His strength and healing me.
God has been showing me that I need to focus on Him more than anything, that there are sins that I am holding on to and that I need to seriously walk away from, that His love for me has no boundaries and that there are just far too many amazing things in living my life for Him, with Him and in Him.
It has been in this season of singleness that I have been enjoying a whole lot more of God than I have probably ever had in my whole life.
I am getting to know Him better, I am getting to know myself better - the hidden sins, my weaknesses, my gifts from God. . .
It is in this season of singleness that I am growing to be more aware of the world we live in, the enemy who seeks to destroy me and the Father who will never leave or forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6).
It is in this season that I am growing to know more of Him and enjoying more of Him, embracing that He is more than enough for me and that my life has much more worth living for Him, with Him and in Him.
There's joy in growing closer to God, getting to know more of Him and watching Him take care of you, and growing to believe that He will never leave you, even when things look hectic and I have been doing so, with His help, in this season of singleness.
Know that not everyone is meant to be married or that marriage is not for all, and be okay with that.
"But Jesus said, 'Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked - or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it'."
- Matthew 19:11-12 MSG
I remember struggling a lot with this truth but, now I feel like I am more accepting of it and you should be, too.
It's the truth, whether we like it or not.
AS Jesus said, not everyone is mature enough to live a married life for it requires certain aptitude and grace. In addition, He also said that marriage isn't for everyone.
Just like the life of a single person isn't for everyone, as Apostle Paul has mentioned:
"Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others."
- 1 Corinthians 7:7 MSG
As you can see, both marriage and singleness are a gift from God, and He gives marriage to some and single life to others.
Some of us are mode capable to live a single life than we are a married one, and that is more than okay, and you should embrace that truth.
I believe that many Christian women wish to encounter that godly man that will be made to be her husband and they will get to serve and love God together, and that is a beautiful wish.
Yet, God might not grant you that wish and not because you are unworthy of being married to a godly man and a beautiful marriage but, yes - probably - because you were not made for that life.
Maybe you weren't made to live life as a married woman and though that might sound crushing right now, I really need you, and me, to just take a deep breath and try to embrace the truth that there could be many reasons why married life isn't for you.
Maybe you won't be able to handle the pressure that comes with being a married woman or maybe you will start to prioritise your marriage over God which is idolatry and will probably bring you eternal damages.
There could be many reasons why you being married isn't the best life for you and that's why I find it really important for us to embrace the truth that we could be single for good.
And we need to embrace and accept that truth just as much as we accept the truth that God is for us (Romans 8:28).
It's crazy to accept one truth from the Bible and deny the other.
They are all the truth and it is not there to murder our hopes but to give us hope (Psalm 119:114), not there to trap us but to set us free (John 8:32) and not there to weaken us but to strengthen us (Isaiah 41:10).
And the truth in these versions, Matthew 19:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:7 are not here to kill our hopes of ever getting married but here to set us free to this burning desire we have to be married as if the life of a single woman is a curse.
It is not; it's a gift.
And we need to embrace that truth, not unwillingly but joyfully, because gifts from God are blessings from God, and each has its unique perks.
For we are not going to die if we are single nor are we going to be more worthy when married.
We are valuable now as single women just as much as we are going to be valuable as married women if we get to be so.
So, no more mumbling and complaining and lack of enthusiasm in this life as a single woman.
No, no, no!
There are many great and amazing things to d out there in this season of singleness and the best thing is that you have got God and with Him, things are never dull.