For the Christian girl who can't stand being single for another second
Updated: Jul 31, 2021
It is crushing, isn't it?
Seeing all those lovey-dovey couples walking around while holding hands, watching them get lost in each other's eyes and all the other romantic stuff that couples seem to do these days.
It guts you as the seconds tick away and you must admit that it sucks. Yeah, I get you!
Being a single girl in a world where people seem to be finding their matches at the drop of the hat can become tiring but, it doesn't have to be.
Being single shouldn't have to be tiring and we shouldn't allow us to fall into the trap of believing that it is.
Being single is just as much of a gift as being married.
Each stage of your life comes with blessings and challenges, moments of sheer happiness and moments of sadness, but it doesn't shrink out the value of either, and if you think that you will only find the good stuff once you get married, then this next slap of love and truth is for you:
Just as there are many perks for being a married Christian woman, there are many for being a single Christian woman and if you are tired, fed up even, with your season of singleness - tired of seeing everyone get their slice of romance while you are there in your season of "waiting", then it's probably because you are too busy focusing on what you see in other people's lives.
You must be spending far too much desiring the relationships that you have witnessed in your surroundings, in the telly or anyone.
Or maybe you are believing that meeting and marrying a man will complete you when that's not the case.
Or maybe you are failing to see the bundle of beauty and unique opportunities that come in the season of singleness.
Whatever it is, if you are a Christian woman tired of being single, you probably need to:
Stop wanting what others have
If you are anything like me, even a tiny bit - a microscopic percentage - you have probably read two or three romance books, seen two or three romance movies and have probably felt driven to have a romantic life that would put those to shame or, at the very least, resemble it in its unique way.
If you are not, props for you, babe. Go and give yourself some nice Doritos!
But to those who feel like they can identify themselves even a little bit with what I have said there, the ones that have dreamt of having a story-worthy kind of romance, have a fairytale kind of marriage or whatever, then you need to take a step back and call it quits.
Wanting what others have - their Nicholas Sparks kind of romance and Disney-inspired love story - it's coveting and a sucker punch to the gut.
I know it can be tempting to want a love story just as majestic and heartwarming as the one you have seen on television or even in your own community but, desiring the things of others, even their love stories and relationships, is coveting.
According to the Merriam Webster website, a covetous person is marked by an inordinate desire for wealth or possessions or for another's possessions.
Maybe the reason you feel so unsatisfied and fed up with your season of singleness is that you are desiring the relationships of others and because of that, there's no room for you to where you are at.
Because of that, you are failing to see how such a season enables you to have more time to spend with God and grow a relationship with him.
And since we are speaking of relationships, the other issue with coveting is that it is idolatrous.
One of the reasons we desire what others have with so much passion is because we believe that it will make us happy, that it will be the source of our joy/happiness and we begin to see them as magnificent things that we have to pursue in order to be happy when in reality, we have to seek God to be truly happy/joyous.
We begin to replace God as the source of our contentment, happiness, and start placing the things we so passionately desire in His place.
We have got God, people. Let's wake up!
There is no greater person to desire than God, no greater relationship to desire than one with God and when we begin to see the marriage of others, or just marriage in general, as the ultimate places to find happiness, we begin to drive our desires away from the One we should be focusing on.
So, let's just sit back, bring our chainsaws and kill those desires dead.
Instead of wanting what others have, start thanking God for what you have, starting with the gift of being able to enjoy life with Him.
Thank Him, right now, for what He has done, is doing and will do in your life, even this season of singleness.
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV
Know that marriage doesn't complete you
For a long time, I thought that once I got into a relationship and had someone to walk this life with me, I would be more complete.
I thought that being in a romantic relationship would make me complete when, in reality, things just don't work like that.
No, that's not it.
I believe that if I am not feeling complete and satisfied with who I am in this season of singleness, it's not because I am missing a man in my life or anything like that but, most likely, because I am lacking a connection with God, I'm lacking intimacy with God.
After all, only God can fully complete and satisfy every single one of us, and when we start to look for other sources of completion, identity, worth and satisfaction either than God, things don't work out.
God is the one who completes people (Colossians 2:10), not us. God is the only one who can fully satisfy us, not anyone else.
So, wanting a relationship for the sake of feeling more complete in the said relationship is really a risky and futile thing to do, seeing that God is the only one who can truly complete and satisfy us, for there is no greater treasure and most satisfying being than Him.
Instead of dreading the moment that you are going to get married or mumbling and complaining that you have been single for far too long, take a step back to appreciate and embrace the beautiful fact that God completes you.
That God is more than enough in our lives, whether we are single or not, and that in Him, we will lack nothing (Psalm 34:9).
There are purpose and beauty in being single
Maybe the reason why you are so eager to jump into a relationship is that you are failing to see the folds of beauty that lace the season of singleness and failing to see that there is purpose in every season of your life.
For instance, as a single woman, you have relatively more time and freedom to strengthen your relationship with God, to serve His Kingdom and pretty much get to explore more of life than a married woman.
Though a married Christian woman also seeks to strengthen her relationship with God, she is not free to focus solely on Him, for now, she has been made one with her husband and she needs to also cater for her husband and, possibly, her children.
The married woman has more responsibilities in her hands than the single woman tends to have and the single woman has more time and freedom to do so than the married one.
And, it's beautiful to witness God transforming you into the person He created you to be.
Perhaps the purpose of this season for you is to get closer to God because you might not have a lot of time when/if you get married.
Maybe there are some things that God wants to work in you, through you and for you while you are single, and the best you can do is enjoy life with Him as He does His thing.
Perhaps, just like it happened with me, it is in this season of singleness that you will get to truly start to connect with God in a supernatural way and being transformed by Him into the woman that you are meant to be.
Know that not everyone is meant to be married or that marriage is not for all, and be okay with that.
"But Jesus said, 'Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked - or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it'."
- Matthew 19:11-12 MSG
I remember struggling a lot with this truth but, now I feel like I am more accepting of it and you should be, too.
It's the truth, whether you like it or not.
As Jesus said, not everyone is mature enough to live a married life for it requires certain aptitude and grace. In addition, He also said that marriage isn't for everyone.
Just like the life of a single person isn't for everyone, as Apostle Paul has mentioned:
"Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others."
- 1 Corinthians 7:7 MSG
As you can see, both marriage and singleness are a gift from God, and He gives marriage to some and singleness to others.
Some of us are more equipped to live a single life than we are a married one, and that is more than okay, and you should embrace that truth. Otherwise, be ready for a really bitter experience.
I believe that many Christian women wish to encounter that godly man that will be made to be her husband and they will get to serve and love God together, and that is a beautiful wish.
Yet, God might not grant you that wish and not because you are unworthy of being married to a godly man and a beautiful marriage but, yes - probably - because you were not made for that life.
Maybe you weren't made to live life as a married woman and though that might sound crushing right now, I need you to just take a deep breath and try to embrace the truth that there could be many reasons why married life isn't for you.
Maybe you won't be able to handle the pressure that comes with being a married woman or maybe you will start to prioritise your marriage over God, which is idolatry, and will probably bring you eternal damages.
There could be many reasons why you being married isn't the best life for you and that's why I find it really important for us to embrace the truth that we could be single for good.
And we need to embrace and accept that truth just as much as we accept the truth that God is for us (Romans 8:28).
It's crazy to accept one truth from the Bible and deny the other.
They are all the truth and it is not there to murder our hopes but to give us hope (Psalm 119:114), not there to trap us but to set us free (John 8:32) and not there to weaken us but to strengthen us (Isaiah 41:10).
And the truth in these verses, Matthew 19:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:7 are not here to kill our hopes of ever getting married but, here to set us free to this burning desire we have to be married as if the life of a single woman is a curse.
It is not; it's a gift.
And we need to embrace that truth, not unwillingly but joyfully, because gifts from God are blessings from God, and each has its unique perks.
For we are not going to die if we are single nor are we going to be more worthy when married.
We are valuable now as single women just as much as we are going to be valuable as married women if we get to be so.
So, no more mumbling and complaining and lack of enthusiasm in this life as a single woman.
No, no, no!
There are many great and amazing things to do out there in this season of singleness and the best thing is that you have got God and with Him, things are never dull.